Pain in the Heart

My heart aches. I am sad. I miss my mother, who died under my watch. I don't know when I will stop blaming myself. My faith weakens when it comes to my mom's passing. I should accept this as the will of God. But my mind plays what-if games, which I know is wrong.

I miss my mother. I wish she was back with me. I would do things differently. Perhaps this is the most common feeling on earth. To appreciate someone only after they are gone. Losing my mother is the most painful feeling in my life. Losing my marriage seems to pale in comparison. 

I find it hard to laugh, today.

Is there a way to bring her back? 

My heart aches because I know the answer.

How do I heal this pain? 

Possible ideas for healing the pain:

1. Write an autobiography about her.

2. Write a book and dedicate it to her.

3. Plant a tree in her name.

4. Make a list of 10 things she loved the most and do them.

5. Take prozac.

6. Renovate her house.

7. Watch x-files.

8.Sleep.

9.Read Quraan

10. Zikir

Amazing how I can offer myself solutions. Now the hard part is taking up on my own advice.

I think I will start with option number 8.