Comfort in Dreams

Last week, I hit rock bottom.  I was living life like a water fountain, always ready to spurt out tears at the slightest frustration. At work, I was walking around with red, swollen eyes and people who don't know, think I have an eye infection.  I am lucky to have a friend at work who seems tireless in talking me through my pain.

I have had several dreams of my late mother. In one dream, she was in a house and we spoke at the dining table. She said something like "hati sejuk"..I cannot recall the exact words now but the message I got was that she was happy with me and how I was bringing up the kids. Although I've never had much regard for the truth of dreams, in desperate times like this when my sanity hangs on a thread, I will take these message from dreams as a source of comfort.

Not a day goes by that I do not say a doa' for her.  In fact, she is in my doa after every salat.

There was one dream in which we hugged - and I kissed her, something we rarely did because she was always so critical of me. She would only hug my son.  

I think I am ready to start her autobiography. I better do so before all the people who used to know her also leave the earth. Just heard about another relative who passed away. I know my mom and Pak Ngah Dibong were close. I just hope they are all in a nice place now.

I spoke to my father recently. He was, as always, philosophical.  His attempt to comfort me was to tell me that everything happens for the best, according to Allah's plan. We humans must realise that even something as apparently horrible as death is for the better.  Part of me understands that, but it does little to ease the pain.

I guess, I am slowly climbing out of the pit of sorrow.